General Household Tips

[Firefly]

Does anyone think a 'hints and tips' section would be a good idea ?

I have several I could share, like freshen a niffy microwave with the top of a lemon cooked on full for 10 seconds, works a treat after cooking curry etc. Likewise put the top/bottom of a lemon in your dishwasher whilst it washes. Spray unwanted aftershave onto bed sheets, and allow to dry before use.

What do you think Jim ?

Jackie

[Admin]

We already have a section for this Jackie run by John (Dolmadis), been running for several years now.

viewforum.php?f=28

[jersey]

A top tip thread would be good.

[Admin]

Again we have one, it is not called "top tips" but it is a section for those kind of things.....post there please.

[Firefly]

Jim

I didn't know that the title of 'Home and Garden and Money Saving Ideas' was the proper place for household tips, but now I do, I'll use it.

Jackie

It always has been Jackie, wording is not really the problem it is members not using it and it some cases never looking! Jim

[dolmadis]

Good Idea Jim. Look forward to receiving more of these and making a NEW sticky !!

John

[kazanddave]

OLD telephone directories make ideal personal address books. Simply cross out the names and address of people you don't know.

MY wife and I save pounds every year on household wear and tear by living in a tent in the garden.

FOR many years I've kept my legs warm in winter by wearing ladies' tights beneath my trousers.
I've never found it embarrassing, as they make perfectly good - and economical -
leg warmers. As a pensioner saving money and staying warm are my priorities.
In summer I switch to wearing cooler and more hygienic stockings and suspenders.

[jersey]

HOSPITAL patients. Arrive for your appointment two hours after the assigned arrival time. That way, you will only have to wait an hour for your doctor to see you.

[jersey]

HOUSEWIVES. Look in the dictionary to find the difference between the words 'need' and 'want', then carefully choose the right one to use when talking about buying new dresses

[Ageing Rocker]

HOUSEWIVES. Look in the dictionary to find the difference between the words 'need' and 'want', then carefully choose the right one to use when talking about buying new dresses

or 'borrow' - then go to Marks & Spencer to choose one for a couple of days

[Jimmy Greaves Legend]

OLD telephone directories make ideal personal address books. Simply cross out the names and address of people you don't know.

MY wife and I save pounds every year on household wear and tear by living in a tent in the garden.

FOR many years I've kept my legs warm in winter by wearing ladies' tights beneath my trousers.
I've never found it embarrassing, as they make perfectly good - and economical -
leg warmers. As a pensioner saving money and staying warm are my priorities.
In summer I switch to wearing cooler and more hygienic stockings and suspenders.

[jersey]

DON'T waste money on expensive iPods. Simply think of your favourite tune and hum it. If you want to "switch tracks", simply think of another song you like and hum that instead.

CINEMA goers. Please have consideration for pirate DVD viewers by having a piss before the film starts.

RAPPERS. Avoid having to say 'know what I'm sayin' all the time by actually speaking clearly in the first place.

DON'T waste money on expensive paper shredders to avoid having your identity stolen. Simply place a few piles of dog blank in the bin bags along with your old bank statements.

WORRIED that your teeth will be stained after a heavy night drinking red wine? Simply drink a bottle of white wine before going to bed to remove the stains.

SOLDIERS Invest in a digital camera to avoid all that court martial tomfoolery after a trip to Trueprint.

MURDERERS Need to dispose of a body? Simply parcel it up and post it to yourself via DHL. You will never see it again.

BURGLARS. When fleeing from the police, run with your right arm sticking out at 90 degrees, wrapped in a baby mattress in case they set one of their dogs on you.

EMPLOYERS Avoid hiring unlucky people by immediately tossing half the CVs into the bin.

MEN When listening to your favourite CD, simply turn up the sound three notches above the volume you desire; then your wife will turn it down three notches. This will save you arguing and you have the desired volume in the first place

GAMBLERS. For a new gambling opportunity, try sending £50 to yourself by Royal Mail.

BANGING two pistachio nutshells together gives the impression that a very small horse is approaching.

BLIND PEOPLE Give yourself at least a chance of seeing something by not wearing heavy dark glasses all the time.

ALCOHOL makes an ideal substitute for happiness.

DRIVERS. If a car breaks down or stalls in front of you, beep your horn and wave your arms frantically. This should help the car start and send them on their way.

PREVENT burglars stealing everything in the house by simply moving everything in the house into your bedroom when you go to bed. In the morning, simply move it all back again, this doesn't work if the burglars work during the day.

CAR thieves Don't be discouraged when nothing is on view. All the valuables may be hidden in the glove box or under a seat.

DEPRESSED people. Instead of attempting suicide as a 'cry for help', simply shout 'Help!' thus saving money on paracetamol, etc.

MOTORISTS Avoid getting prosecuted for using your phone whilst driving. Simply pop your mobile inside a large shell and the police will think you are listening to the sea.

SINGLE men Convince people that you have a girlfriend by standing outside Next with several bags of shopping, looking at your watch and occasionally glancing inside.

BOIL an egg to perfection without costly egg timers by popping the egg into boiling water and driving away from your home at exactly 60 mph. After 3 miles, phone your wife and tell her to take the egg out the pan.

ALCOHOLICS don't worry where the next drink is coming from. Go to the pub, where a large selection is available at retail prices.

McDonald's Make your brown carrier bags green in colour so they blend in with the countryside after they've been thrown out of car windows by chavs.

WOMEN Don't waste energy faking orgasms. Most men couldn't give a toss anyway and you could use the saved energy after you've been shagged to do the ironing and washing up.