BEST EVER DIVORCE LETTER

[Happy in Cyprus]

My Dear husband:

I'm writing this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you. I've been a good wife to you for the last 20 years & I have nothing to show for it, and the last 2 weeks have been hell.
Your boss called to tell me that you left your job today which was the last straw. Last week, you came home & you didn't even notice I had a new hairstyle, had cooked your favorite meal & even wore a brand new nightie. You ate in 2 minutes, & went straight to sleep after watching your TV soaps.
You don't tell me you love me anymore; you don't want sex or anything that connects us as husband & wife.
Either you're cheating on me or you don't love me anymore; whatever the case, I'm gone.

Your EX-Wife.

PS: Don't try to find me. Your BROTHER & I are moving to New Zealand together! Have a great life!


REPLY:

Dear Ex-wife,

Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It's true you & I have been married for 20 years, although a good woman is a far cry from what you've been.
I watch TV soaps so much because they drown out your constant whining & bitching. Too bad that doesn't work anymore. I did notice when you got a hair do last week, but the 1st thing that came to mind was 'You look just like a boy!' Since my father raised me not to say anything, if you can't say something nice, I didn't comment......and when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have got me confused with MY BROTHER because I haven't eaten prawns for 10 years.
About the new nightie: I turned away from you because the £299.99 price tag was still on it,& I prayed it was a coincidence that my brother had just borrowed £300 from me that morning.

After all of this, I still loved you & felt we could work it out. So when I won the £20 million Lotto, on Saturday, I left my job & bought 2 tickets for us to Paris, but when I got home you were gone.

Everything happens for a reason, I guess. I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted.

My lawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures you won't get a penny from me.

So take care.

Signed,
Your Ex-Husband, Rich As Hell & Free!

P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this, but my 'brother' Carl was born Carla. I sure hope that's not a problem.